Apr 272016
 

Being a mom is no easy task. It involves headaches, backaches, heartaches and plenty of exhaustion. It can also be one of life’s greatest joys.

Being a caregiver is a difficult role. Approximately two-thirds of caregivers are women, and over one-third of dementia caregivers are daughters.

We know that mothers and daughters share a unique bond, and this Mother’s Day, we are celebrating mother-daughter relationships that are truly as unique as they come. Watch these videos to hear women with Alzheimer’s in conversation with their daughters about motherhood, their most important life lessons and living with and supporting each other through the journey that is Alzheimer’s.

Carol and Lydia:

Pat, Lita and Laura:

Barb, Caroline and Kimberly:

 

View the full playlist and watch all the videos at this link.

  76 Responses to “Mothers, Daughters and Alzheimer’s”

  1. I commend all those who are featured here in these videos, all the mothers and daughters and their own personal experiences/outlook of living with and dealing with this disease. As a former longtime Caregiver to my own Mother, who passed away on 9/4/13 from complications due to Alzheimer's my heart goes out to all of them. I know the struggles and hardships they are probably experiencing or will be experiencing in the near future. Each day more information is being given and additional research is being done, the fight is long from over, more awareness still needs to be raised and assistance given to both the patient as well as their caregiver!

    • YES! The Caregiver too!

    • I am new to this.it seems like its going to be a long hard road.my mom has been diagnosed with dementia recently and she could be hard to get along with before.any info you could give me would be. Greatly appreciated.I have been living with her since my brother passed 12yrs ago.Here lately I think I’m going to be the one to loose it.. my name is Lori ,hope to hear from you.

      • Lori my suggestion to you is get on the internet and search! Hang in there and as you know it will be hard make sure you have a good support system and someone that can give you a break when you need it. It is important that you don't get burned out. Just remember what works one day may not work the next. You just have to be creative. Good luck!

      • Lori, My heart goes out to you for, having a husband with AD, I know something of the stress and pain of seeing a loved one on such a journey. First of all, I hope you have a strong faith in God or, if not now, that you seek God with all your heart. God does reveal God's self to all who seek and will be the ultimate source of comfort, strength and wisdom. I found many comforting and helpful gems in the Bible. Beyond that, a few other tips which grounded me: First, I decided that I would not fight what I cannot change; acceptance of this unwanted experience was very freeing for me! Second on my list was "I will not cross bridges until I get there!" I thought ahead for planning purposes and to prepare myself emoti9onally for what was to come, but I refused to live in the future by worry. Another resolve was that even though care-giving disrupts a normal routine, finally I would not allow myself to be morphed into his illness, but would retain some life of my own beyond Alzheimer’s. Finally, every challenge is an opportunity for emotional and spiritual growth; this may not always be obvious at the moment but I pray that with the perspective of time, you will also find this to be true. Peace and the blessing of God be with you.

        • Barbara, I agree with you 100%! As the 24/7 caregiver for my mother her last five years, I lived through every stage and beyond. To this day, there are some things I've never talked about and probably never will, except to my Father; Romans 8:26 says when we do not know the words to pray, the Holy Spirit hears our innermost groanings and intercedes on our behalf to the Father. If it had not been for my strong faith and believe in Almighty God and the unwavering support of my Sunday School class, prayer group, and Care Group, I would not have made it. I considered it an honor, a privilege, and a blessing to be able to return love to Mother in the way she loved us growing up. Although in her eyes I became different people and we went through some exceedingly difficult times, I would do it again in a heartbeat. Other than my Bible, the 36-Hour Day was my grounding, plus I read and studied everything I could get my hands on to be informed and for understanding. My only regret if that my two sisters could not experience the blessing I received. You literally die to self, in the sense Paul writes about but you do it willingly and with love. It was an extraordinary journey filled with laughter, tears, anger, and forgiveness, all within a five minute span; then you press the rewind button and live through ti all again and again and again……. To this day, and Mom went to her Eternal Home in October 2008, I consider it an honor to serve the Lord by caring for her, after all, we are instructed to do this in Colossians and Ephesians. My prayers are fervent for everyone walking down this exceedingly difficult path and I, too strongly encourage them to seek solace from God's Word and pray their heart our. It is imperative to remember two words:L diffuse and deflect. D & D. Always. Grace.

      • Lori,
        Hang in there. My husband, 61 years old, was diagnosed 6 years ago. It is a rough road but it is very important that you take care of yourself. It's not easy to do, it took a lot of family and friends telling me that I need to take care of me too. There are day care facilities, people who will come to your home so you can go out and spend time with friends or just to be alone. Also, there is an Alzheimers's help line that you should call with any questions….they are so helpful. You might also want to find a support group and perhaps befriend a few people with your same situation and meet on a regular basis to get ideas from or even to give other ideas.

        • This is the situation I find myself in with my husband who is in the early stages. It can be frustrating and I admit that I do not always have a smiley face on, some days are better than others. I try and know that doing the best you can is what is important.

      • I understand your situation completely, my father had this and he was easier to deal with but I was always his girl. My mother was just diagnosed and we never had the mother/daughter relationship like most people. In fact being in the same room was always a struggle. Now with this it’s even worse. And the animosity is even worse than it was before.

  2. This is just an introduction. A lengthier interview with each family might be more helpful.

  3. I am the first of five children of our 82 year old dad living with vascular dementia. I am the primary caregiver. We suspected that he was loosing his memory about seven years ago, things became worse hot till about four years ago, when he could not cover up any longer. He does not know any one’s names anymore. Indeed it’s been a tough one, but it’s been a great privilege considering he single handedly raised all his five children when he became widowed 40years ago. We learn something new every day. All the best to daughters who are carers.

    • Thank you for your write up.

      My partner and I live in a retirement

      Community in St Louis. A year ago

      He was diagnosed with vascular

      Dementia. He was released from

      The diagnosing hospital with orders

      That he needed to be permanently into

      Our health care center. What a horrible

      Shock to us. Very stressful life for both

      Of us.

  4. These woman must have just been diagnosed because they are so literate and clear talking with no pauses to think what to say. It would be interested to keep in contact with these families a year from now, then 2 years etc. They have a long way to go–I hope they understand what's coming. It would be interesting to hear from boys, because my 2 college age boys don't really know what the future holds for their mother.

    • I agree! I think it would be more realistic to see what a depletion Alzheimer's does in conversation and interaction affects those with the disease. Perhaps videos of stages would be more realistic as well as enlightening.
      Thank you for your awareness and respect for results of Alzheimer's.

    • I agree, D. I was amazed at how clear these women are. I see my mom failing ( I hate that word) and it is very scary. While I am thrilled these ladies seem so well versed, I suspect that they are not always this clear. I know one day can be totally different the next. It is a race not s sprint. God bless all of us who walk this journey.

    • I commend you on your knowledge and insight and I share your thoughts. I am reaching the 5 year mark on being my brother's caregiver, afflicted with this terrible disease. Our journey has never been as easy as these videos depict. Brother/sister dynamics played a role, since day 1, with challenges escalated. I remember his doctor telling me, "This will be a roller coaster ride, fasten your seatbelts." I remember her saying,"This is your new normal," when I was bombing her with questions to gain knowledge to be a better caregiver for him and myself. She was brutally honest, but I accepted the challenge with open arms. Each day and moment is different and doom and gloom may become a new friend. Taking on this responsibility, takes a certain kind of individual, one with an abundance of love and compassion, welcome. God Bless you and all caregivers.

  5. I took care of my mother who had Alzheimer's. She lived with us the last 5 years of her life. While it was a challenge, it was a privilege to be able to care for her. Now, I am caring for my husband who has frontal temporal dementia.

    • What is the difference between frontal and vascular Alzheimer’s?

      My mother has dementia Alzheimer’s, I have been taking care of her for 6 months now. Any information would be helpful. Lots of changes already taking place.

      Thank you

    • Hi Elaine, would you please explain what frontal temporal lobe is. I care for a person and I would love to hear some of the symptoms if this disease! Thank you

  6. It has been very painful and stressful for me, being an only child, and having lost my father at age 8. Up until 5 years ago, we travelled overseas every year, and am happy to have enjoyed her for so long, but at this point she has her good days, still remembers who I am (most of the time), and also my only son. I am divorced, so she lives with me 95% of my life, and you have to take it one day at a time, every day it is different, and every moment should be enjoyed to the fullest! Be thankful to still have her, and try to make her life as normal as possible. My mom is now 98 years old! Unfortunately had two heart attacks and cannot stand, much less walk.As wonderfull as you all may be not every day is the same, and there are moments when we feel like (why?, and we do not react nicely and caring every day, it is human nature) just hang in there and love her and make her as happy as you can!

  7. How very special. Thank you for sharing. I live in Australia and my Mom is in Connecticut. My brothers are wonderful and look after her beautifully but I wish I could be there for her more often. Well done and well said, Ladies.

  8. You are all truly blessed. Your mothers are still with you mentally and understand there illness. My mother was diagnosed 5 years ago. She is now 70. Her alzheimer is way more aggressive. She is in full time diapers and doesn’t even know how to pee or go number 2 in the toilet. She doesn’t know when she should eat you basically have to put a fork in her hands. Cherish your mothers as they are still very self suffient. And can comunicate there want and fears to you. Best wishes.

  9. My situation is different. My Mother has Alzheimers. She is 84. She never bonded with her 3 daughters. She just gave birth, and has very seldom been here for us. She has always been verbally, & mentally abusive. A retired nurse I might add. My older sister died last year. My younger sister refuses to help me with Mom. I am in this alone, & resent having to take care of her, but at the same time I have a lot of compassion for people, & I take care of my Mom out of guilt, & compassion. I stay angry, & depressed, because Mom is still abusing me, & I continue to watch over her.. In all honesty, I can't wait for her to get bad enough to go to a nursing home. I envy the relationships these girls have with their Mom. Caregivers need more help!

    • Hi Sonja, How wonderfully refreshing to hear such honesty. I dearly love my mother who is 91 and has had dementia for at least a decade. You can be very proud of yourself for caring for her when you yourself may not feel loved. Perhaps something happened to your mother that made he become distant. My mom is in a home now and it does take a lot of stress away, but the disease still lingers on unfortunately. I have a sister who also provided a lot of help with meals,Dr’s app etc, and it is still overwhelming sometimes. You’re on your own, be proud of your strength and that you are there for her, even tho she may not have been there for you. She pr. obably loves you dearly for this. GOD bless you and your mom.

    • Sonja, My situation is similar in that my mom (87 with Alzheimer's) has always had an overall degree of verbal abuse and manipulation in raising her children. There are a few good memories of her kindness and strength from years back of which I try to remind myself. To her credit, she did take full responsibility to provide shelter and food for us (although food was rationed and we had hunger some nights) and she did not live a life of luxury for herself. As her caregiver, now, and when the pain is rekindled, I try to see her in a different light. I think of her as a hurt soul throughout her life and not readily able to express herself as a loving maternal figure. So, not having my own special mother/daughter bond to celebrate, I soften and smile in my heart to see that Mother's Day is a wonderful time for many others. On a daily basis, I'm always compelled to lean on the spirit of God's love, specifically for me, because I wouldn't make it through as a sane person, otherwise.

      • Hi everyone. Thank you all for letting me share on the Mum/Daughter platform about my dad and I. I visited my 56 year old friend whose 4th chemo session started today, and indeed, I say to many well wishers, that at least my dad is not in pain that we can tell because he’s unable to communicate. Besides the occasional aggressive and confused phases which lasts hours and up to 2 days or so, he’s otherwise comfortable. Doctors say that aggressive behavior is associated with vascular dementia, so we got used to the on and off of it. Thank you all for sharing, most of our experiences are familiar, so my prayer is for grace, that we all stay strong and healthy ourselves. I would not have coped well but for God’s grace and mercies. Bless you all. Stay strong.

    • I appreciate your honesty and commend you for sharing your plight. You are taking care of your mom because you love her and genuinely care, no matter the past. God Bless You for taking the responsibility on. Old personalities seem to be the normal for this terrible disease, so, as primary caregiver you're it for the continued abuse, unfair I know. I still have to remind myself, as a caregiver to my older brother, what I was told, "Reasoning and filtering is gone due to the disease." Brother/sister dynamics was an added challenge. Even though it may be difficult, and to keep yourself safe, which is crucial as well, try not to respond to your mom's verbal attacks. You're not going to win an argument or change her mind these days, unfortunately the disease is winning, your words are more ammunition. I know it's difficult to ignore her, she's your mom, but switch the conversation to something entirely different, or, a quiet lack of is ok, sometimes less is a better rule to aid you in your feelings, which matter too. Try to be less hard on yourself, doom and gloom seem to be part of the new normal for a caregiver and we surely don't need more of that. Reflect on what you are doing, acknowledge your strength, and remember you are trying to make the best of a terrible situation for her. Cry, laugh, vent, and seek out your faith and prayers to get you thru this. Take care of you and God Bless.

      • I live in IL my mother in Conn I went home to care for her My stepfather was not nice when I arrived ad watched her breakfast that he made her scrambled eggs and topped with tabasco sauce and watched my mother roll it in a napkin and pushed it down inside her chair cushion I was over whelmed My stepfather and I never got along she wanted money one day so she could go shopping she took money out 200.00 and he went crazy and told me I had to leave the house .
        My mom past away shortly after that and I was notified, until after her burial It is so important for families to stay close she was buried and I was told later a day does not go by that my heart aches for her god Bless the caretakers

  10. If 2/3 of caregivers are women, then since all women are daughters, 2/3 of all caregivers are daughters.

  11. I just wish I had that time of me knowing and her knowing because my mom lost her will and or ability to speak and that is what is hard for me to see her hollow eyes with no words. I pray for strength for each daughter featured

  12. Thank you God for my mom and for imparting the wisdom that I need to be there for her. It's hard for me to write what is in my heart. Just thinking about the things that she is going through is heartbreaking and I am not able to share all of my true feelings at this time. I am blessed to still have her here with me and my family. As a caregiver I have learned a lot and is willing to learn much more about this illness. Looking forward to spending Mother's Day with her.

  13. I miss You Mom. I love you so. Happy Mother’s Day in Heaven. I feel Your love, Your hugs & kiss

    • Hi Willette,

      I just lost my Mother to Alzheimer's so when you wrote what you did…"Happy Mother's Day in Heaven" that really made me cry and at the same time be grateful she is there. Thank you so much!

  14. Thank you to each of these beautiful mothers and daughters for sharing your thoughts with us. You are each truely gifts to each other and I wish all of you a very Happy Mothers Day. Enjoy all of your times together.

  15. Beautiful…what a blessing!

  16. Every approach, every story will be different….the important thing is to talk about it, and talk about it some more. Those diagnosed with this disease need to feel the support form day one, families work better together.

  17. Talk , talk, talk about it. My two sisters and I all dealt differently with it, how we dealt, how we felt. Odd as it sounds humor and peace with each chapter makes it easier. I miss my mom so much, she died in November. There were many frustrating days in the beginning, and the best thing you could ever do for yourselves and the person with dementia is to drop the word “remember” from the sentences in your conversations. No , they don’t remember and it causes so much frustration. Speak in the present. get used to repeating over and over, and most of all treasure those repetitive conversations, for as frustrating and as hard as they, they stop. The hardest day I ever had was I left mom after dinner(she was in a wonderful Dementia Facility) she kissed me goodby, told me to drive carefully, and the very next day when i went ot visit she had no clue who i was. We still enjoyed our tea together, laughed, but she had no idea who i was, and that was hard, so so hard. So in that chapter we enjoyed each others company as new friends. Treasure all of the steps, good and bad, and know that sometimes the anger and frustration is harder for them. Happy Mothers Day Mom <3

  18. Mum was diagnosed with Vascular Dementia in 4/2007 & died 3/6/2014. I miss her every day, even though, in the end, she was in great torment & distress, hence obviously needed God's Divine Love + Mercy + His Reprieve.

    I pray for all carers & patients, diagnosed with any form of Dementia, & truly valued listening to the mother-daughter videos.

    God Bless to you all,

    I pray Mothers Day can be truly joyous & memorable for many of you, as I hold up Mothers Day for Mum (on the other side).

    • I too have a mother with vascular dementia diagnosed last summer, she is in denial. She has had her drivers license revoked and blames me and doesn't trust me some days. I try and be understanding, but it is hard when she doesn't believe what I am telling her. I know she needs some one as her advocate but she won't let me help make decisions for her. she lives alone & I check on her daily, this is partly due to the fact that she doesn't need anyone looking in on her. I find that she is missing taking medication and she plays with her cell phone and always has it messed up. I fix it everyday and all she says I don't know what happened. it is very hard some days, but I don't know what I will do when she is no longer here. she will be 87 May 27 2016.

  19. My amazing Momma has Alzheimer's today and I wish/pray as a loving daughter I could be holding my Mom's hand right now, sitting next to her like the daughter's in these video's. Alzheimer's and our Corrupt Court System has taken my HERO, My Mother and put her in the hands of a Temporary Conservator who has Isolated her from her good family.

    Imagine for one moment, all you want to do is care for your Mother and you can't get to her. If Alzheimer's Disease isnt enough of a heartbreak, imagine a system that abuses the Elder's rights. I will honor my Mother by continuing this horrible legal battle my Oldest brother brought on our Family. Momma I will never give up the battle to CARE FOR YOU. Love You Forever

  20. Thank-you so much, my mom died 4 years ago Alzheimers it was a difficult time for us all. She spent her last 5 years in nursing home. Thank-you again for reminding me that there is still much work to be done, and I want to be on the battlefield to help find a cure . My Mom was the 4th siblbling in her family to suffer from Alzheimer's so now we all live in fear. Thanks again awesome vidieo.

  21. The caregivers of loved ones with Alzheimer's have a huge responsibility. The progression of this disease is unpredictable. My mothers journey was a long 10 years.
    The frustration and stress is overwhelming. However the caregivers are the heroes for their loved ones. God bless you and stay strong. You are not alone.

  22. Thank you for sharing these life stories of inspiration that highlight the unique bond of love between a mother and daughter. My mother was diagnosed when she was 55 with early onset. She is now 75 and has not been able to communicate with us for several years. I miss her terribly.

    • My mother too was diagnosed at 55 with early onset. She just turned 63 and is quite advanced now. So sad to see such a beautiful young woman so debilitated. So sorry for you and your family. I feel your pain.

  23. My mom passed away last year on mothers day at 95. She was in a nursing home.she couldn’t walk

    anymore and had dementia. Did not communicate.

    I hope she still knew her daughter . It was horrible to watch her deteriorate like that.

    Happy Mothers Day in Heaven

  24. I am going through this with my mother right now and it is very hard watching her and trying to deal with this disease. I could no longer take care of her at home after she fell and broke her leg. She is now in a nursing home where she is often hostile and very combative. I hurts me to see this happen.

  25. I was so moved by these 3 videos. I have had no experience in dealing w a person w Alzheimer's , except that my aunt eventually died from it. I have always admired my uncle caring for her at home until the end for her.
    I have 2 boys who are married, and I m not sure that they would be in a position to support me emotionally, this is a worry. But you should make lemonade from the lemons you are given.
    I admire you all for dealing w this disease so well, I know you re sad. You are such Angels, all of you. Best wishes

  26. Having cared for my mother who had Alzheimer's I appreciate the videos you've produced. Although you note that "mothers and daughters have a special bond," I believe that the bond between mothers and sons is just as worthy of reflection,especially where a disease like Alzeimer's is concerned. As the mother of a 33 year old only son,I cherish the close relationship we have and I hope that my love and care for my own mother will impact him in positive ways as I journey through life. While acknowledging that each relationship is unique,shouldn't we celebrate the closeness and caring that our daughters AND sons have with us? In the 21st century,let's include both sexes in our conversations about how to care compassionately for each other.

  27. Thank you for sharing your stories. It is so important to have the support and of your family.
    My Mother had Alzheimer's and I was so lucky to have my Sister for support.
    Wishing you all a Happy Mother's Day.

  28. Daughters also feel that way about their dads with Alzheimer.

  29. My mother has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's about a year ago at the age of 81. But as these women seemed to know what was going on and was able to tell their children. My mom didn't seem to have that window. She went from being herself to not remembering things in about a 2 month span of time and I am talking only a 5% recall in such a short period of time as the test showed. Only once during that time she said I am having trouble remember things. She golfed, bowled and did Zumba classes up to when she didn't go because she didn't remember to go. I am so confused on why and how it happened so quickly. Kathy

    • I have a similar experience with my mom. She went from being my bubbly, independent mom to a shell of who she was in about 6 months.

    • Kathy,
      I am with you. My mom has dementia….whatever the diagnosis is, it doesn't mater. She culd never communicate with us about her disease. My mom is 89 so it's a combination of aging and dementia. Whatever the disease its a sad slow goodbye to the person we once knew.
      Ann

  30. What beautiful tributes these daughters have for their mothers! I just lost my dear Mother, Alice, to Alzheimer's. I am so very grateful I had her these past 3 years to love, support and be with her. It was tough to see and tough to go through this, but I am so thankful I was given that opportunity from the Lord as a gift because those memories with her I will always cherish and hold very close to my heart daily. Thank you.

  31. I new my mother had Alzheimer's when we were playing slots at Harrington Raceway and she held her quarter up staring blankly at the machine not remembering where to put the quarter. A tear rolled down her cheek as I took her hand and guided it to the slot to drop it in and then to the button to start. The doctor didn't diagnose her Alhiemers until 4 years after that just 4 months before my Dad died from Multiple Myeloma in 2010. I had to sell my home and move to Florida to care for my mom, I watched her deteriorate until she died from a bladder infection that the nursing home failed to diagnose before she became septic and died Dec 17 2016. Because I am her daughter not her spouse and I'm over 18 I can not even sue them for not treating a very treatable infection and leaving her to die. She still recognized me 98% of the time as her daughter. Watching my mom who was a very independent and classy woman who never left her house without makeup and always dressed nicely deteriorate over five years broke my heart. She denied having a problem and when I suggested that she may have Alhiemers she would get very angry with me. I didn't want to be right. This is my first Mothers Day without my mom and it is hard, I am crying because I'm all alone now, my parents are gone.

    • Donna we have a similar story. My mother was classy and never left the house without make up and dressed well. You are not alone. The memories live inside you! My mom died 01/22of this year. This to is my first Mother's Day without her. She denied she had alzeheimers because she felt if she talked about it that would give the disease power. You did everything you could to care for her. The disease is awful and in the end was the cause of their death. Try to go back into your memory and remember her the way she was. I know the hurt and the hole it leaves in your heart. You will move through and keep her with you always!

    • My heart goes out to you, so sorry for your loss. Ylu are a good daughter and you will be rewarded in heaven.

  32. Happy Mother's Day, Mom. I love you. You were always my champion.

  33. My mother was a gem, she loved me so much, so I spent the last five years with her which was a blessing and a gift. I thank God that she was loved and cared for by not only me, but some caregivers. I am so grateful that she did not suffer long, she still knew who I was and we shared special times together before she transitioned on August 24, 2015. She was diagnosed with dementia about two years before she passed. I speak to her every day and made a beautiful altar for her and my dad. We celebrated her life. Of course I miss her, she was a loving, caring, supportive mom, she was by best friend. I loved and love her sooooo much. She brought joy into so many lives even at the end, the caregivers loved her and said she was the best. I am glad I took a lot of photos and have memories of her before and during that time. I was so loved! My mom was 89 when she passed, so we are grateful she had a long life. Hope we find a cure, because Big Pharm does not want that. Happy Mother;s Day mom, I know you are in heaven.

  34. Just appreciate each moment with the loved one, so you will have yours & their memories to pass on. Dimentia is like being in the Twilight Zone. It's different for each one, & most frightening for caregivers or those that can't relate. Can you put yourself in their 'shoes' ?

    • I cared for my Mom (inspite of close family) for nearly 10 yrs. in my home, with Dimentia. Learning on the job was stressful & exhausting; Home services were just beginning; Thank God for that progression, & this web-site.
      Computers were new, work shops were few, & who knew (?) Not everyone will do'.
      Lucky are those that can give so much Love to someone else with any disability; tho Dimentia & Alzheimers many times has no pay back. Your reward lives in your Heart, Mind & Sole.
      Bless you all..

  35. Please post more of these Mother and Daughter videos. They really help Thanks, Helaine Berman

  36. I enjoyed the videos that I just listened to. Such brave & strong mothers & daughters. I have a neighbor who is like a mom to me and she has vascular dementia and isn't accepting this. She is so much in denial and I struggle with her not being honest with me, and confusion on her part and she doesn't want to accept that she is forgetting and repeating I try so hard to be forgiving and understanding. I just want her to accept the disease and let me help her in any way I can. What can I do to help her with acceptance and dealing with her struggle in daily life?

  37. I was so surprised & pleased to watch the mother/diaughter videos where the mothers all knew and accepted their Alzheimer diagnosis. My mother was diagnosed 3 years ago with frontal lobe dementia at age 78. Her diagnosis & treatment were delayed .
    Her doctor delayed the referral; then delayed treatment too. He refused to act alone & would only act in tandem with another doctor. It didn't help that mom would refuse to go to appointments as well.She is a retired nurse but does not realize she has dementia & is taking meds for it. She says folks her age are naturally forgetful. She always was physically & verbally violent to me & my brother at home but outside the house she told folks we were perfect children. We have care come to her house now; it's expensive but they are good with her. She refuses to go to a care facility.She looked after us kids when we were young ;it's our turn now. But it's so hard to see this strong active woman like this. In spite of it all we still love her. She is, after all, our mother.

  38. The mom's do not seem to have any problems speaking.

  39. Thank you for sharing these moments with us. My mom was diagnosed 10 years ago and it has changed our lives. She is here yet, she is gone and I truly miss my Mom, but I cherish I can still be with her during her changes. I love Mom forever!

  40. These videos were very moving. After losing my mother to this disease, I have decided to support the Alzheimer's Association. It is important to be open, loving and show support.

  41. After watching the videos between moms & daughters dealing with Alz. which is one form of dementia, I feel as a spouse dealing with my wife's problems, the feelings of husbands or wives should also be expressed . The difference being- when born, you have no decision in a father , mother, siblings, etc. When you marry someone, you are making a DECISION- CHOICE! This is the difference ! For me, both of our children and only grand daughter have passed away . I am my wife's sole advocate and this is a devastating experience in many ways! Other wives or husbands dealing with such a terrible disease, feel free to contact me – to be there for each other.

  42. Beautiful to be a part of this outreach. I lost my mother to Alzheimer's 3 years ago, January. I miss her so very much still. I congratulate the Association for all it has been doing to help understand and cure this insidious disease. Thank you. Petra Michelle

  43. Alzheimer’s claimed my husband at the age of 63 in a matter of 5 years. That first Anniversary just happened. My father, aged 89, also had dementia. Though I miss them every single day, I am glad they no longer struggle.

    There are not always adult day care centers. Sometimes you have to be creative in their care, and the care of the caregiver. Support groups, Internet searches, the Alzheimer Assoc…all excellent resources.

    One thing that I had hoped to happen because we could not change my husband’s outcome…was to have my husband’s experience part of research. That did not happen despite asking for it multiple times from a reputable research facility. I could not even donate his brain…the proper data had not been obtained.

    Praying for answers. I do not want to put my son’s through this another time.

  44. I watched these videos, thinking this is not a true and realistic picture. These women appear to be recently diagnosed and in a very early stage. I commend them for their acceptance of their diagnosis with an optimistic attitude, even though it is a progressive, terrible affliction they are facing. I applaud their strong, supportive and loving daughters who seem to have an upbeat, rather than a devastating or sad attitude of what lies ahead. I have been a caregiver for 5 years for my brother. This terrible disease is life changing for the afflicted, their primary caregiver and family unit. Life will be a roller coaster ride, a new normal will be reality. Caregiving is not an easy task to take on and one must possess the qualifications of caring and love, in abundance, no matter the circumstances, challenges and responsibilities that come with the responsibility. This is no cookie cutter disease, different for everyone. Consistency, routine and structure seem to help, yet, it seems each day and moment is different, no same old/same old. Grasp all the knowledge you can. Seek support when it's time. Don't be afraid to talk, vent and shed tears. There's nothing funny about Alzheimer's, but a good laugh doesn't hurt. Take care of you without guilt. Reach out to your faith and prayers. Caregivers matter and God Bless All of Us!

    '."

  45. While I appreciate these ladies sharing their story, it seems a little unrealistic that everyone who is diagnosed with Alzheimer's gets this gift of time. My mom had signs for about 3 years, beginning at age 65, and it took me multiple trips to her physician over months/years to get help. She's above average intelligence and would excel on the tests given in the office. She also denied that she had a problem and did a great job covering up. Then, after a hospitalization, she literally fell off a cliff and never came back. We never got the chance to ask questions, document family history, recipes, etc. I became a caregiver at 43 and have been caring for her for 4 years. I work and have children who also depend on me. Some judge me for placing my mom in an assisted living facility, but it's the only way I can do it all.

    There are very few resources and support for people like me, the sandwich generation. Despite having a supportive husband and sister, I'm very alone in this journey because my peers are not in this situation. Other family members from the assisted living facility are much older than me and in a different place in their lives. I just hope that she can spend the remainder of her days in peace. I am also hopeful that continued research will find a way to slow or cure this horrible, devastating disease.

    • You are doing the right thing. Placing in a facility is so tough, it's like selecting the best of the worst options. And it doesn't relieve the caregiver duties as much as you'd think it would. My mom started showing signs around age 59 but was able to hide it for quite some time. My dad was able to care for her (with a LOT of help from me, her only daughter, with a full time job, two kids and age 40) until the stress nearly killed him. She became very angry, suspicious, emotional and clingy to the point of suffocating him. We agreed that a facility was the only way we could 'care' for her. She went to the first one at age 64 and after 6 months they couldn't keep her any longer due to violent behavior. She spent a month in Behavioral Health at the Hospital, then we placed her in another facility and she lasted 6 weeks before they couldn't handle her either. Transferred her to another facility 90 miles away where she was put on Hospice and finally ended her fight and found peace in passing at age 65 last August. No one I knew was dealing with anything similar to what we were and it was the worst three years of my life. Incredibly difficult for anyone to comprehend how difficult it is to be a caregiver to your own mother who becomes someone you don't recognize and can't truly help.

      • Kaimy, I'm so sorry to hear about your experience and glad that your mom is at peace. I agree with all that you've said because my situation has been similar. No one knows what we deal with. My mom spent about 10 days in Behavioral Health 4 years ago and has only had a few bouts of minor behavior issues (excessive crying and anxiety) that resolved with medication adjustments. I've seen others at the facility with these behavior problems and I always feel for the families who so desperately try to get them help. All we can do is pray for a cure so that our kids aren't put in this situation.

  46. These videos are unrealistic in that these Alzheimer's patients are in their very early stages. When my mom was diagnosed at my insistence of her having a Pet Scan, I retired from my career of 34 years. I went from suits to sweatpants over night .My mom lived with me, so I did not have to move her out of her surroundings. I cared for her 24/7 for the next six years and then when her care became more than I could singlehandedly handle, I did the unthinkable. I placed her in a small A -rated assisted living. For the next 21 months, I visited daily, at different times of the day, picked my battles carefully with the facility, tried very hard to have a watchful eye. Yet on one disturbing night my mom sustained a broken eye socket, broken nose, broken cheekbone ,broken jaw, broken wrist and gashes on her shin. The A-rated facility said she feel backwards in her bathroom. She died 60 days later. Go to Peggy's Law S (1216) & A (936) on Facebook and support changing the law in NJ for reporting institutionalized elder abuse. Thank you.

  47. My mother was diagnosed years ago with dementia. Without going into all the details, I wanted to become her guardian. After going to court (with three doctors’ notes declaring that she was not competent….the judge ruled that she was.) Now, I never get to see her as she was secretively married. Her “new” husband has isolated her completely, amongst arranging other important issues in her life. Mom has become increasingly hostile and violent. I have no idea as to what is going on with her health….which now includes a stage 3 cancer. My POA was taken away, and my mom is now in the care of a cruel man, who manipulates her mind and uses this to his advantage. APS says there is nothing they can do, but it happens more often than most people know. How is this allowed to happen? I continue to try to be my mother’s advocate, but I am exhausted. How difficult it is to lose your mother to this devastating disease and to have it compounded by a predator! So sad…and lost….my heart is breaking….is there any help out there?

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