Dec 232013
 

treeI miss Jim so much during Christmas time. I miss our discussions about what to get the kids and our families. I miss sitting next to our tree, looking at the lights and sharing quiet time together. I miss feeling excited, wondering what thoughtful present he placed under the tree. I miss singing songs, watching movies and so much more. Jim still throws out a hum (actually, lots of hums) during Christmas songs, but it isn’t the same. He is here, but he isn’t here.

Ever since I moved out into this great big world on my own, I have sent out cards every December. Except for last year. And the year before. And the two years before that. I haven’t had the energy. I haven’t felt jolly. And what would I put in there? Oh, life is great. We are watching Jim progress with Alzheimer’s and have no idea what our life will be like next year at this time. Merry Christmas.

The holidays are hard for Alzheimer’s families. I know this, yet I try to think that our holiday will be different. Last year, I was talking to a good friend and lamenting that I didn’t know if it would be our last “good” Christmas with Jim and that I needed to make it special. She very sternly replied, “You don’t know what is going to happen. This may be the best Christmas ever and next year may be even better. You need to just enjoy this Christmas.” It turns out, she was right! Last year we had an awesome Christmas. We probably had the best one ever.

I approached this year with similar hopes. But when I left for work on a recent Monday, I asked Jim to put the greenery and lights up on the porch, as he has done for as long as we have been together. While I was in a lunch meeting, Jim called. I heard him crying. “I just can’t do it. I can’t put them up.”  Why? Why did I ask him to do this? Why do we have to decorate our house for Christmas? Why can’t I find the time to do everything? Why? Why? Why?

I told him I was sorry, that I should have never asked him to do it. There really is this very fine line to walk. I have to give Jim tasks to do, yet I must make sure they are tasks he is able to do. Sometimes the “simplest” thing he did just a week ago seems foreign to him. Sometimes I forget he can’t do it. On top of that, Jim is still aware of what he isn’t able to do and it is a very hard pill for him to swallow.

Despite these moments – and the moments I feel the sadness and isolation this disease brings, I am still thankful for many things. I start with being thankful for my children. They are what motivates me, inspires me and keeps me smiling. I am thankful that I have Jim as my husband. He has been the most wonderful man, father and friend. Each day he continues to lead our family by example. He shows us all how to put our big pants on, live each day as it comes and do the best you can. He has no expectations, so he is never disappointed. That is all any of us can ask or hope for, no matter what our situation.

I am also thankful to all of those who donate time, money and energy to finding a cure to this horrible disease that has taken over my life and so many others’ lives. Thank you for being so generous and for believing that one day, we will all feel a sense of accomplishment. We will feel we were part of the solution.

Until that day, we will carry on our traditions for as long as we can. We may start new ones. We may lose a few along the way. But we will do it with each other. I love my family. I am grateful we have so much, when so many are in need. I am grateful it has been such a great year. I am grateful for all I have—and yet I still feel sad.

I miss Jim.

missingjim

About the blog author: Karen Garner is a mother of a 9-year-old son and a 12-year-old daughter.  She works full time and is care partner for her husband, Jim, who is living with younger-onset Alzheimer’s. She shares her journey through her blog, Missing Jim.

 

Learn More

Nov 252013
 

When it comes to caring fwoman sleeps on the sofaor a parent, spouse or other loved one, sleep is not for beauty. It is essential to maintain health and the energy needed to be a caregiver. Uninterrupted, restorative sleep (7 to 9 hours) is recommended by most experts.

But for many of the nation’s 65 million family caregivers, sleep is an elusive luxury.  In fact, a National Alliance for Caregiving (NAC) study on caregiver health risks found 87 percent of those caregivers surveyed suffered from insomnia.

If you suffer from insomnia or sleep deprivation, you are at risk for numerous health issues. According to the National Sleep Foundation (NSF), more than 50 percent of people older than age 65 suffer sleep disorders that ultimately shorten their lives. This deprivation of sleep is called sleep debt. In an interview with WebMD, Susan Zafarlotfi, Ph.D., clinical director of the Institute for Sleep and Wake Disorders at Hackensack University Medical Center in New Jersey, said, “Sleep debt is like credit card debt. If you keep accumulating credit card debt, you will pay high interest rates or your account will be shut down until you pay it all off. If you accumulate too much sleep debt, your body will crash.”

Insomnia typically is a function of not being able to relax our minds and our bodies. To get some sleep, try these tips from Dr. Lawrence J. Epstein, associate physician, Division of Sleep Medicine at Harvard University:

1. Create a sleep-inducing environment: a dark, quiet, comfortable and cool room.

2. Do not use your bedroom for anything other than sleep or sex. No television, no laptops.

3. Make sure you do not eat at least two to three hours before bedtime, and avoid caffeine or alcohol close to bedtime. Note that smoking can cause trouble sleeping.

4. If you are tossing and turning at night and you cannot get those eyes closed, try drinking green or chamomile tea before bed or put a lavender pillow near your head to aid relaxation.

5. Create consistent sleep and wake schedules, even on weekends. Our bodies have internal clocks called circadian rhythms that synchronize our active and rest states with biochemical reactions in our bodies. Circadian rhythms are based on light/dark cycles, with light having the most impact on our ability to get to and stay in restorative sleep.

For caregivers, it is time to awaken to the fact that sleep may be your best medicine.  Sleep well.

Excerpted from A Cast of Caregivers – Celebrity Stories to Help You Prepare to Care by Sherri Snelling (Balboa Press).

 

About the Author 

Sherri Snelling, CEO and founder of the Caregiving Club and author of “A Cast of Caregivers – Celebrity Stories to Help You Prepare to Care,” is a nationally recognized expert on America’s 65 million family caregivers with special emphasis on how to help caregivers balance “self-care” while caring for a loved one.  She is the former chairman of the National Alliance for Caregiving.

Learn More

 

 

Nov 142013
 

lehmann

Next month, Mary Margaret and I will have been together 50 years.

She is a very positive gal, extremely caring and inclusive with her friends. I am not always a social animal. Mary, however, is very outgoing and makes new friends easily. These days, we are attached at the hip… but it wasn’t always this way.

In 2009, I was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s.

After I received the diagnosis our lives changed. At the time, Mary Margaret and I were living in California, but this news caused a great sense of stress, so we relocated to Minnesota to be closer to family. Moving wasn’t difficult – it actually took a weight off our shoulders. Then one of my wife’s friends said “Why don’t you call the Alzheimer’s Association’s 24-hour helpline?” That really changed our lives. Not only have I become very involved in the Association, but so has Mary. During our career years, we really did very little together – now we do everything together. Our connection to the Alzheimer’s Association and shared commitment to raising awareness of the disease has brought us closer together as a couple.

Before I received the diagnosis, Mary and I were absorbed in our separate professional lives: She had her activities, and I had mine. If we got together on a Sunday, it was a big deal. It’s almost like we are dating all over again. She has turned me on to subjects I wouldn’t normally be interested in, and we have immersed ourselves in an eclectic series of programs. She is an avid reader and I’m not; however, through themed book presentations I have been able to learn something new with Mary, and that was a different experience for me. In turn, I have turned Mary on to the arts and now we are both passionate about visiting museums. There isn’t a local museum we haven’t been to!

We support each other.  The experience for caregivers and care partners is unique to the relationship. Mary and I support each other on a daily basis; we have to. She is the social contact, the “hostess with the mostess”, and I am her assistant, you might say, helping in the ways I can. I’m not a terribly patient person, so I am trying to be more patient, which is the least I can do.

The biggest thing that I notice is her relationship with other caregivers. I have a deep respect for the sacrifices that caregivers make every day to support individuals like me who are living with the disease. Today, there are more than 15 million unpaid caregivers of people with Alzheimer’s and other dementias in the United States. The role is demanding; they are our lifeblood.

Mary Margaret’s compassion extends beyond our relationship. She spends much of her free time talking with other caregivers; learning from others and offering support. She has hundreds of followers from all over the U.S. on Twitter, and she will refer articles to them to get feedback and exchange ideas. Compassion is in her genes! During National Caregiver Month, I want Mary Margaret and other caregivers to know that I am grateful. THANK YOU!

What makes a caregiver in your life special? Leave a comment here on the blog, or leave a tribute for a caregiver or care partner at the Caregiver Center.

About the blog authorKen Lehmann is a member of the Alzheimer’s Association 2013 National Early-Stage Advisory Group (ESAG), and he pays tribute to his wife and very special care partner Mary Margaret during National Alzheimer’s Disease Awareness Month. As an Advisor, Ken encourages others living with the disease to avoid worrying about the past, but to “live in the moment.” 

Learn More

 

 

 

Oct 232013
 

flu vaccine and Alzheimer's‘Tis the season for flu vaccine! Every year we get calls from people asking if there is a link between the flu vaccine and Alzheimer’s disease. This is an idea that came about more than a decade ago and has been debunked many times over.

Fact:  Several mainstream studies link flu shots and other vaccinations to a reduced risk of Alzheimer’s disease and overall better health! For example:

   A  2001 Canadian Medical Journal report suggests older adults who were vaccinated against diphtheria or tetanus, polio, and influenza seemed to have a lower risk of developing Alzheimer’s disease than those not receiving these vaccinations.

The bottom line is that you should speak to your doctor about whether or not you should get a flu vaccine this year and don’t let fears of Alzheimer’s risk stop you!

About the  author: Elizabeth Edgerly, Ph.D., is the chief program officer for the Alzheimer’s Association, Northern California and Northern Nevada Chapter. To read more blog posts by Dr. Edgerly, click here.

This post originally appeared on www.alzheimersblog.org.

Learn More

Sep 242013
 
single flower walk

The first change I noticed in my dad was his inability to write out checks.  I stopped by his office one day, and he was sitting at his desk with the checkbook open.  Several balled-up checks were scattered on his desk. He was slow to speak, but finally admitted that he could not write out the check correctly. On one check, he had transposed the numbers for the amount to be paid.  On another check, he had attempted to write his name on the “payee” line, but the scrawl did not look like his signature.  He was so frustrated, confused and scared. This was so unlike him—a man who had always been so confident, organized and in control. This was just the beginning of many changes in his personality and behavior.

My dad had Alzheimer’s, a progressive disease that robs the mind. It also breaks the hearts of family members who helplessly watch as their loved one slips away.

Fred Is Not ForgottenAs time went on, my dad, who had always been an impeccable dresser, no longer seemed to care about his appearance. He would mix prints with plaids, and chose to wear the same red sweater every day, even though he had a closet full of clothes. Eventually, he had to go into a 24-hour nursing facility, as he would wander at all times of night and became combative.

It was devastating for family and friends when we realized that he had slipped into his own little, confused world and did not recognize any of us. At times he mistook me for his sister or his wife.  Later, he ignored everyone but my brother, and their discussions were limited to talking about the family business. Eventually, all of his visitors were greeted by a blank stare.  As his journey came to an end, his muscles became rigid.  He could no longer sit up or walk.  He died in a fetal position, three years after the initial diagnosis.

His bout with the disease was relatively short in comparison to that of many victims, but his condition, decline and death have had a lasting effect on me. Twenty-five years later, every time I forget a word needed to complete a sentence or forget where I put something, I fear I may have the same fate.  Since his death, more attention has been given to Alzheimer’s; however, more attention is needed. It is now the sixth leading cause of death and the only cause of death among the top 10 in the United States that cannot be prevented, cured or even slowed.

On October 13, 2013, I will Walk to End Alzheimer’s at Tower City Center in Cleveland, Ohio.

I will walk in memory of my dad, Fred Grair, Sr., and other family members who have been affected by Alzheimer’s.

walk to end crowd

I will walk to allay my fear of contracting the disease.

I will walk on behalf of the more than 5 million Americans who are living with Alzheimer’s.

I will walk to raise money for Alzheimer’s awareness, support, care and research.

I will walk for you.

Today, more than half of all Americans know someone with Alzheimer’s.  If you have not been impacted in some one by this terrible disease, consider yourself fortunate.  Soon, no one will be untouched.  Please walk with me to end Alzheimer’s.

About the blog author:  Stephanie Grair Ashford is steering committee member and team captain for the 2013 Walk to End Alzheimer’s in Downtown Cleveland, Ohio.  You can donate to her team, Fred’s Not Forgotten.

This column originally appeared in the Sun News.

Share Why You Walk

Tell your story on our special Facebook page

Learn More


Jun 212013
 

My mom, whom we lovingly call LuLu, was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s in 2008. We have been through quite the journey ever since.  There have been challenging and scary times when we didn’t know what might lie ahead, and there have also been incredibly inspiring times, when we’ve been touched by others who readily jump in to help based on their own experiences with Alzheimer’s. purple sunset

When I heard about The Longest Day, a 16-hour Alzheimer’s Association event, I thought it was such a unique way to recognize the millions of people who face Alzheimer’s every hour of every day, and to raise money for such a great cause.  I decided to sign up and ask a few family and friends to join if they could, but I fully expected to cover the majority of the day on my own given that it is on Friday and most people are working.

I was so overwhelmed when the responses came back immediately.  “I’m in!” —one person after another.  Before I knew it, we had all 16 hours of the longest day of the year completely scheduled with activities in LuLu’s honor.

Love of Lulu 1

I could hardly sleep last night—I was so excited for today to get here! Our team, “For the Love of LuLu,” passed a “virtual baton” across multiple states. My college roommate Jenny started us off at 5:30 a.m. (bless her heart) doing aerobics in Chicago.  Then, my sister-in-law Terri walked her dogs in New Hampshire.  Next, I walked my dogs in Aurora.  LuLu LOVES dogs so we had several dog activities throughout the day!

My nephews Tyler and Mike both fished (in separate states), my sister-in-law Sue knitted in Michigan, and more folks walked in Texas and Illinois—including my cousin Lynda who gave LuLu her nickname when we were children!  My husband Tom and stepson Corey played/watched baseball, which is one of LuLu’s favorite sports since she supported all three of my brothers through their baseball years.

One of the most anticipated activities was performed by my friend Tami, who dressed up in a cowboy hat and line danced to John Denver, LuLu’s favorite musical artist.  :)

We’ve raised $3,550 so far and we aren’t stopping there!  One of our most memorable donations was from the kids in student council at the school where my sister-in-law Lynn teaches.  They held a talent show to raise money for Alzheimer’s and donated all proceeds to our team.  We affectionately now call them our “Little LuLus.”

Now, as the sun sets, we are hosting “The Longest Party” and serving several of LuLu’s famous dishes – cucumber sandwiches, deviled eggs and kolaczki cookies.  As we reflect on the day, we are inspired by how many people have come together in Lulu’s honor.  She is my hero, and I will continue to work to end Alzheimer’s until there is a day when no daughter has to watch her mother live with this disease.

Diane Leeming is the youngest of five children. Diane, her husband Tom, her stepson Corey, and their two dogs live in the Chicagoland area.  Diane works in Human Resources and is currently Senior Director of Organization Effectiveness for Kraft Foods Group.  She and her family and friends are participating in the Alzheimer’s Association The Longest Day™ , a sunrise-to-sunset relay to raise awareness and funds for the fight against Alzheimer’s. 

Jun 212013
 

Jenny PToday is all about motion.  There has already been hiking – and there will be boating, golfing and biking.  Together with my sister and two wonderful friends, I am participating in Alzheimer’s Association The Longest Day, which involves 16-hours of activity to honor those with Alzheimer’s and their caregivers.

My father was diagnosed with early-onset (also called younger-onset) Alzheimer’s late last year. There is a hereditary mutated gene that runs in our family that has also affected my dad’s father and his sister.  The grandfather of my teammates, Alissa and Erica, also has Alzheimer’s.

The four of us decided to form team “Fighting to Remember” and join The Longest Day to honor these two amazing men.

Fighting to Remember Longest Day Team Alzheimer's Charity

Hiking at sunrise, boating until sunset

At sunrise, the team began hiking because my dad loves to walk in the woods. (He is a great morel mushroom hunter!)

Now, I’m getting ready to undock the pontoon on Lake Wisconsin. We plan to boat for a while and park at the sandbars to play cards. My dad has spent his whole life fishing and he loves playing cards. The same is true for our friends’ grandfather, who grew up in Chicago and moved to his house on Lake Wisconsin 35 years ago.

Tonight, we will dock the boat and have a huge celebration with our families, grilling a pork shoulder and talking about our successful day. We are so honored to be a part of this event and are amazed at the number of people who have come forward to share their stories and struggles with Alzheimer’s.


Reflections on the water

I am grateful to have such a strong dad. He has known that Alzheimer’s disease would likely affect him due to the hereditary mutated gene and has lived his life to the fullest because of it.

We are making plans to travel over the next year so we can continue to make memories while he is strong enough to do it. Unlike most people my age (I’m 33), I choose to live with my parents, along with my 2-year-old daughter, Lauren. This way, we can help my dad and continue to make memories.

I am so grateful for my wonderful family. My sister, Rochelle, is right down the street. Almost every night we get together as a family. I’m also so glad I can help my mom with emotional support during this time. We are best friends, and I love living with them.

Committed to fighting Alzheimer’s beyond June 21

Our team has raised more than $7,200, but our efforts will not end here. We will continue raising awareness beyond today. We are in it until Alzheimer’s is just a distant memory.

About the blog author: Jenny Peterson’s father was diagnosed with younger-onset Alzheimer’s. She is helping to raise awareness and funds with team Fighting to Remember in the Alzheimer’s Association The Longest Day®, a sunrise-to-sunset event to honor those living with Alzheimer’s disease and their caregivers

May 172013
 

Tania and her mother This past holiday season, I had the pleasure of appearing as Mrs. Cratchit in “A Christmas Carol” at The Goodman Theatre.

On several occasions I thought how much my mother would have loved to see me in it. Before I met my husband, my mother was my biggest fan.

When I say my mother would have loved to see the show, I mean the mother who raised me and was always there for me in my young adult life — the mother I knew up until 2008.

That mother saw me every night when I had the lead in my high school production of “Mame.” The box office people knew her by name and on nights when tickets sold out, they let her stand in the back and watch.

Mom always said, “Tania, you have such presence on stage.”

Whether I was performing on Broadway or a storefront theater, my mother was in attendance and always sang my praises.

I am describing my mother before Alzheimer’s.

In 2008 she started slipping away, calling me less and less, repeating herself more and more, forgetting birthdays and asking strange questions like, “What day is Thanksgiving, Tania?” From then on, a different mother emerged.

She was still loving but unable to be there for me because her memory was fading. For instance, she couldn’t remember that I was pregnant with my second child and wasn’t at the delivery like she was with my oldest. She had no idea what was happening in the world. She never asked about my children or husband.  She didn’t know where I lived. She had no idea I was a professional actress.

Mom was a doctor who never left the house without looking her best. She always wore dresses.  She went to the hairdresser every week for a wash and set. She was private to a fault.

In the nursing home she wore pants, let the caregivers braid her hair in cornrows, and shared a room with two other patients.

I suspect that she’d be mortified by the woman she had become, and I had to make peace with that. I didn’t love her any less when she lived in the nursing home. She was her purest self. The essence of my mother — sweet, good, funny, kind and loving — remained.

Photo by  Liz Lauren: A Christmas Carol

Photo by Liz Lauren: “A Christmas Carol”

It stings that she didn’t see me play Mrs. Cratchit; and it pains me that—even if she was still alive—she couldn’t have attended.  She wouldn’t have been comfortable leaving the nursing home, getting in a car or sitting in a dark theatre surrounded by people. I don’t think she would have even understood it was me on the stage.

Alzheimer’s splits a person in two; their life divides into who they were before and who they are afterwards.

I grieve my Mom twice, mourning two spirits but lucky for having known both.

About the Blog Author:
In addition to being a wife, mother, writer, actress and teacher, Tania Richard was a caregiver for her mother, who was diagnosed with dementia in 2011 and passed away the following year. In the short time Tania was her mother’s caregiver, she learned a great deal about the challenges caregivers face.

Learn More:

Grief & Loss as Alzheimer’s Progresses
Caregiver Center
Support Groups
Online Community

Nov 062012
 

This blog is dedicated to three of our First Ladies who have led the crusade for caregivers: Hillary Clinton, Nancy Reagan and Rosalynn Carter.  All three are passionate advocates for our nation’s 65 million caregivers because they have taken the caregiving journey themselves.

Hillary Clinton – The Congressional Caregiving Champion

Photo: Numinaimages

It was a poignant moment when I read last November 1 that Hillary Clinton had lost her 92-year-old mother, Dorothy Rodham.  Poignant for two reasons:

1)    November 1 marks the beginning of National Family Caregiver Month

2)     Clinton had been a long-time advocate of the nation’s caregivers when she was a Senator from New York.  She supporting several pieces of proposed legislation that offered more services to support those family members who are providing 80 percent of the long-term care to keep a loved one living at home as long as possible. 

Her mother’s illness, a topic that was kept private from the invasive world of 24/7 news media, made Clinton one of those caregivers she had championed so often in Congress.  In an interview from Clinton’s campaign days for the Democratic presidential nomination, she credited her mother with giving her the tools — and toughness — to enter politics.  In the end, her mother had also given her daughter the tools to be a compassionate caregiver.


Photo: Richard Guinon/Dreamstime

Nancy Reagan – The Loving, Long Good-bye to a Spouse with Alzheimer’s

Nancy and Ronald Reagan’s touching affection for each other was evident in the letter former President Reagan wrote to tell the world he was suffering from Alzheimer’s disease.  In this letter, President Reagan not only helped shine his celebrity spotlight on a disease which many Americans did not understand, but he also highlighted the concern he had for Nancy who would be caring for him.  He understood the difficult emotional toll it would take on his wife.

 

As the caregivers of today’s more than 5 million Americans diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease know, Nancy lived the last 10 years of her husband’s life known to dementia caregivers as “the long good-bye.” While Nancy had the resources to care for her husband in ways most Americans do not, the emotional toll it took on her cannot be ignored.  

What was perhaps most heartwarming was that the strained relationship Nancy had with her stepchildren and with her own son and daughter actually improved over the course of President Reagan’s disease diagnosis and decline.  Family dynamics are sometimes difficult to navigate during caregiving and can lead to added stress and strife.  But, in this instance, it brought a family closer together which is one of the gifts that can come from caregiving.

Since President Reagan’s passing, Nancy has become a passionate advocate for Alzheimer’s disease awareness and education and especially advocating for the research around embryonic stem cells that can hopefully lead to a cure.  She also speaks about her personal caregiving journey and the need to recognize caregivers as a crucial part of the “care team” around a loved one.

Rosalynn Carter – Caring for Parents On Both Ends of Her Life

Photo: Wayne Perkins/The Carter Center

Long recognized as one of the pioneers of the caregiving movement, Rosalynn Carter is known for her famous description of the life event of caregiving in America:

You have been a caregiver

You are a caregiver

You will be a caregiver

Or someone will be caring for you

 In her book, Helping Yourself Help Others – A Book for Caregivers, former First Lady Rosalynn Carter writes, “We can learn to approach caregiving as a blessing as well as a challenging task.” 

She knows of what she speaks firsthand:  Rosalynn was only 12-years-old when her father was diagnosed with terminal leukemia.  As the eldest daughter, she helped care for her ailing father and supported her mother by also caring for her younger siblings.  She took up caregiving again for several relatives with cancer after she left the White House and most recently was caregiver for her mother who died in 2000 at age 94.

Rosalynn’s gift to caregivers comes from a lifetime of understanding the challenges — emotional, physical and financial — that accompany caring for a loved one.  A long-time devoted and determined advocate for those Americans with mental health issues, Rosalynn Carter is also behind the founding of the Rosalynn Carter Institute (RCI) for Caregiving at Georgia Southwestern State University in Americus, Georgia.

While women may be seen as “the power behind the throne,” these First Ladies are proof that women also put the heart into caregiving.

 Learn More:

About Blog Author Sherri Snelling

Sherri Snelling, CEO and founder of the Caregiving Club, is a nationally recognized expert on America’s 65 million family caregivers with special emphasis on how to help caregivers balance “self care” while caring for a loved one. She is the former chairman of the National Alliance for Caregiving and is currently writing a book about celebrities who have been caregivers.

Oct 192012
 

Choice is a luxury and usually a gift.  As a caregiver to a loved one, the absence of choice is a difficult concept to grasp when you are accustomed to the illusion of choice and control in your life. It is earth- shaking to have circumstance thrust upon you, pushing you towards decisions that may go against your grain. - Tania Richard

My mother was diagnosed with dementia in the summer of 2011.  At the time, my youngest kids were three and one. My blended family includes my husband, four kids and a large sheepdog living in a three bedroom townhouse. There was no room for my Mother to live with us comfortably, and no funds to pay for a 24-hour caregiver, which she needed because she could not be left alone.

My parents didn’t plan for their retirement. Their choice determined that I had few options when it came to choosing where my mother would live. The nursing home with a dementia unit I chose would have to be one covered by Medicaid.

She would be fed, clothed and housed with no adornment or extra amenities. My Mother, a private woman, would share a room with two other people.

I could choose to wreck myself over the fact that my Mother was living there, or I could choose to accept it and focus on the fact that she was safe and physically sound.

I had to remind myself that my Mother had not been living a quality life for the past year as her home fell into disrepair and her hygiene declined. The nursing home would be an improvement. I would have to tell myself that every time I visited her.

She was happy in her new environment and made new friends. My Mother before her diagnosis would never have been happy in the nursing home. My Mother with dementia was quite content.

Finally, I felt as if I could make a choice that would empower me and the Serenity Prayer was a guiding force:

            God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
           Courage to change the things I can,
          
And wisdom to know the difference.

 These are wise words for caregivers to live by as they navigate the world for the person in their charge.

Learn More:

About the Blog Author Tania Richard
In addition to being a wife, mother, writer, actress and teacher, Tania Richard was a caregiver for her mother, who was diagnosed with dementia in 2011 and passed away the following year. In the short time Tania was her mother’s caregiver, she learned a great deal about the challenges caregivers face.

Alz.org main site  |  Research  |  Advocacy  |  Care and support  |  Message boards  |  Disclaimer  |  Donate  |  Contact us  |  Sign up for e-news
© 2011 Alzheimer's Association | Blog Suffusion theme by Sayontan Sinha